I (HEART) MY CRAZED MIND...

Abstruse Blace Lace

2007-04-26T01:11:39Z

Title: Abstruse Black Lace
Summery: After being practically disowned by her mother, Jen receives a phone call from her aunt, Anne Rice telling her that she is welcome to come and live with her. In this twisting tale of love and mystery, Jen discovers that not only are people not who they seem to be, but something that she has been led to believe did not exist, in fact, actually does.
Category: Benji/OFC
Genres: Drama, Romance, Mystery, Supernatural
Warnings: Death, Graphic sex, Language, Violence
Chapter: -3- News to me...

As the weeks past, we had gradually slipped into a routine. Auntie and I would wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, and head into town for awhile otherwise I would stay up in my room or in the study working on my new book. Then later in the evening, Benjamin would come and eat dinner with us, we would talk about random topics before he would once again disappear into the night.

I have been very content with the way things have been going. I have felt more relaxed here then anywhere ever before. I somehow feet that I belong.

But that is defiantly not the only feeling that I have been experiencing. Lately, I have been finding myself thinking of Benjamin more and more. It amazes me when he walks into the room, I immediately stumble over my words or my full attention will be directly on him. Good thing he never seems to notice because there could be bombs being dropped outside and I would not even know it.

We have really gotten to know each other every well too. I found out that he has an older brother Josh as well as a twin, Joel along with a sister, Sarah. He lives in another Victorian style home at the end of the street and has for quite some time now.

Even with my new infatuation with him, I had failed to see his odd habits. Not only were they odd habits but they seemed vaguely familiar to me. The fact that the only time I ever saw him was at night, he would stray way from foods with hints of garlic in the sauce or seasoning, and the small, barley even noticeable, red rings around the pupil of his eyes.

I have been debating for the past few days to ask him about this, or if it is better for me to just keep to my own business. After all he could just be busy during the day, have an allergy to garlic, and there could be something wrong with his eyes, but what is the chance of all of those things to just be coincidence?

After much deliberating I have decided that after dinner tonight, I will ask him…

“Jen dear, will you please come down and straighten up the living room a bit before Benjamin comes? It would help a lot. I still have to fix the sides for dinner tonight.” Auntie called from the bottom of the stairs.

“Yes I will, be down in a second.” I reply as I change out of my cut off pajama pants that I have been in all day because I have been writing, and into a loose pair of jeans.

Hopping down the stairs I walk into the living room and start to pick up the blankets and pillows that were still strewn on the sofa from last nights ‘girl night’ with Auntie and I.

After I finish, I look over to the now every tall stack of pillows and blankets and giggle softly knowing that I wont be able to carry them all in one go. I sigh to myself contently and grab an arm full and head to the downstairs linen closet and start placing them in their respective places.

Once that is finally done, I walk into the kitchen to see what is for dinner. There is chili and corn bread sitting on the warm stove, and Auntie is over by the table setting out the dishes. A few minutes later, the doorbell sounds and I state that I will get it.

“Hey Benjamin,” is all I can get out before a hand that had previously been hidden behind his back, swung in front of him and there he held a single red rose.

“Oh, wow, I wasn’t expecting that. Thank you very much!” I say as I gently take the rose from his hand and step forward and draw him into a warm hug. “No one has ever gotten me a rose before…” I trail off, feeling very childish and stupid. I mean, here I was a 19 year old girl that had never received a rose. I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Its quite alright, I am glad to be your first, Jen. I saw it and thought that you might like it, that and I believe it is beautiful, like you.” He stated before pulling out of the hug and softly taking my hand in his, all the while a small innocent smile playing on his lips.

“Well, thank you, it is really sweet.” I reply not about to tell him that no one had ever mentioned me and beautiful in the same sentence before either. “Oh, come in, come in.”

He releases my hand and steps into the house waiting for me to shut the door and join him before heading into the kitchen.

When we reach the kitchen, all of the food was already on the table and Auntie was just setting out the silverware. I shyly stepped away from Benjamin and made my way to the cabinet grabbing a small vase for the flower and filling it with water. Setting it on the window sill, I turn and join the other, now seated, people in the room.

As I took my place, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my aunt give Benjamin a wink. Dinner continued on as we talked about my book and what, as of now, was happening.

After eating more than half of the delicious chili, I quietly asked Benjamin if he would join me on the porch for a moment. He quickly agreed as he stood up and followed me out of the kitchen and onto the porch, leaving Auntie for the time being.

When we reached outside, I stepped over and sat on the rather large swing that hung from the ceiling of the porch and Benjamin followed shortly there after, sitting right beside me.

Suddenly I got a burst of courage and turned to sit sideways facing him as he also turned facing me. Drawing in a long breathe I exhaled before starting.

“Benjamin,” I started. “I want you to be completely honest with me ok?”

He tilted his head to the side slightly and nodded once reassuring me.

“I…um… wow now that I think of this it really sounds kind of stupid…”

“Nothing that you could ever say would be stupid, I assure you. You can ask me anything and I will be completely honest with you. No secrets.”

“No secrets,” I mumble to myself before moving my eyes to look into his, “Ok, are… are you…” I take in one last long draw of air and continue. “Are you a vampire?” I asked, the last word being only a whisper.

I could feel the heat begin to fill my face and I am sure that it is cherry red. I take a chance and quickly raise my eyes to meet his and his are contently staring back into mine. He smiles slightly and gives a solemn nod before he climbs to his feet and slowly reaches down for my hand and pulls me up also.

“Yes, and I told you there was no stupid question that you could ask.” He states as he leans in places a feathery soft kiss to my cheek as my eyes slip closed, just enjoying his company. He soon pulls away and starts to walk down the steps and onto the gravel. “Tell your aunt that dinner was wonderful and I will see you tomorrow.”

And before I know it, he was gone.

Ok, so I have just found out that the man that I have fallen for is actually a vampire and he seems to like me back… Call me weird but I feel very calm and excited about the whole thing. Not even a bit of fright or uncertainty. Odd. But that was defiantly news to me.

Abstruse Black Lace

2007-04-26T01:05:33Z

I am woken up by the brilliant rays of light that have soaked through the fabric of the curtains and crept up onto my still figure. I smile a bit to myself as I remember where I am.

Stretching slightly, I tug myself into a sitting position and pull the blankets off slightly. Throwing my feet over the edge, I ease myself onto them and tread softly to the bedroom door. Making my way toward the kitchen, all the while, smelling the aroma of a home cooked breakfast.

Shuffling into the kitchen area, I breathe in the strong scent of bacon, eggs and waffles.

“Good morning dear, I thought that today we might go into town and explore. I need to pick a few things up at the market.” Auntie stated as we began eating.

I nod and through the rest of breakfast we chat idly about random topics of interest.

After breakfast, I return to my room and start to get ready for the day. Taking a quick shower, I dry my hair and throw it into a loose, messy bun. Applying a small bit of base and eyeliner, I turn to the bed and pull on the black straight pant jeans and my striped top, slipped on my vans, grabbed my bag and I was ready to go.

Descending the stairs with a little more bounce in my step, I find my way to the living room and met with an also ready Aunt.

“Ok so where do you want to go first? Seeing how you haven’t been here in quite awhile,” She questioned as she locks up the house and we both walk over to her car.

“Um, Could we maybe go to the old book store? I have been wanting to get my hands on the new ‘Vampire letters’ book?” I answer.

“Of course dear, this is why we are going out, anything else in particular that you would like to do?”

I shook my head no as I shrugged my shoulders.

“Alright, to the book store it is then.” She stated as we continued to drive.

Soon we were approaching town. I loved it the best. The old antique shops and abandon factories lined either side of the street with a single stop light in the middle of town.

Auntie pulled over to the curb of the ‘Enchanters’ book store and stalled the car. We climbed out and stepped onto the side walk, Auntie walking a few steps in front of me and swung the heavy oak door of the shop open and waited for me to enter along with her.

“Anne, I haven’t seen you in here for about a week. Where have you been hiding?” A short gray haired woman shot out from behind the counter to embrace my aunt in a welcoming hug.

“Oh my, is this little Jen? The girl who would take so many books home only to return them all read a day later? My how you have grown.” She stated in amazement as she pulled away from my aunt, once I had nodded unsurely, answering her questions.

She then made her way over to me and engulfed me in a warm hug also. I smiled slightly as the memories of the woman came back to me. Wow, she had changed also. She was once a bit taller maybe and brown hair graced her head. Not as many wrinkles either…

She stepped back finally when a phone in the distance started ringing. She fluffed her hair, and adjusted her glasses.

“Well, feel more than welcome to look around and browse. Um, Anne knows where everything is so… I need to go and answer that…” She stuttered as she slowly backed away from my aunt and I.

“Hm… Let’s see if we can find that book that you are looking for. What was the title again, dear?”

“Um, It ‘Vampire letters’, but I am not sure who it is by…” I trailed off.

She nodded once and set out in search of the said book. I chuckled lightly to myself as I too started to look.

After about 10 minutes we had successfully found the book and we were now just browsing around for other interesting things. Once we had finished I proceeded to take the book to the register and pay.

As we stepped out onto the sidewalk once again, the glare of the sun was full, making my eyes hurt slightly from the intensity. Adjusting slowly we decided that we would just walk to where Auntie needed to go.

Before I knew it we were standing inside the cool, air-conditioned food mart. I followed Auntie as she briskly walked back towards where the storage room was and swung the door open before walking in, me still following close behind.

“Anne, good to see you. Here you go.” A tall man in an apron type thing greeted as he handed my aunt some kind of large bag.

She smiled gratefully before telling the man goodbye and turning on her heel and leaving the way we came, me still lagging behind.

“Ok dear, are you ready to head back home? Or is there something else that you wanted to do or check out?” She questioned as we came out of the store and started back down the street towards the car.

“No that was all. We can go back if you are ready.”

“Alright, off we go then.”

-*- Later that night-*-

“My, oh, my. I don’t think that I have gotten dinner done that fast in quite some time. Oh, dear, would you mind if Benjamin was able to join dinner tonight? He has been having dinner with me for quite some time now, but it is totally up to you, as long as you feel comfortable.”

“Hehe, ya I didn’t even think that I could help that much in the kitchen. Oh, of course that is fine.”

“Alright he should be here any minute.” She said as she turned off the stove and placed the plate of red beans and rice on the table.

Just as she had said, not 2 minutes later there came a knock on the front door as she rushed out of the room to answer it.

I shook my head with a grin playing on my lips as I finished setting each individual seat with plates and silverware. Before I knew it, Auntie had returned with the stranger from last night.

Boy was he handsome, stunning at the least. Spiky, black hair stood in every direction atop his head, striking brown eyes and a smile that I was defiantly drooling over.

“Um, I… Uh, Hi I’m Jen.” I stumbled over my words as they could not be formed fast enough to make a coherent sentence as I made my way around the table and stood in front of him with my hand out if front of me to shake.

He took my hand in his larger one and squeezed gently.

“Benjamin, It is a pleasure to meet you Jen.” He said. It flowed out of his mouth with definite ease, before releasing my hand.

“Alright children, lets all sit down and eat.” Auntie exclaimed and we all made a move to sit at the table.

After everyone had filled their plate, we started to talk.

“So Jen, what do you do for a living?” Benjamin questioned as he picked up his fork and started eating.

“Um, I am a writer. I write vampire novels.”

Just as the words left my lips, his eyes shot to mine and he grinned slightly.

“Well, I have never met one of those in the flesh before. This should be interesting. Tell me what you know.” He continued.

For the next few hours after dinner we talked about all of the characters, setting and facts about my books. It was amazing how interested he seemed to be in the whole thing.

Not only did he sit and listen contently and attentively, he also added in facts of his own. Some I had never heard before. What are the chances of him being a vampire freak like me?

Before leaving for the night, my aunt gave him the bag that we had retrieved earlier in the day, and we both walked him to the door.

“Alright, well I best be going now. Anne, thanks for the wonderful food, and Jen, I loved talking to you. Maybe we could do it again sometime. Well, I will see you both tomorrow at the same time. Goodnight.” He stated as he shifted the bag to his left hand and reached his right one out to grab mine.

He grasped my hand softly and brought it to his lips before looking at me as his lips met the back side of my hand in a gentle kiss.

I smiled wide and blushed before he let my hand slip out of his as he walked out the now open door and down the steps of the porch, heading off into the darkness.

Abstruse Black Lace

2007-04-26T00:59:29Z

I smile to myself as I pull onto the gravel drive of my Aunt Anne’s home. I haven’t been here since I was a child, spending my summers helping my aunt and just enjoying life. My, how things have changed.

I put the car into park and grab my worn, black messenger bag off of the passenger seat and slowly climb out. Stepping out onto the uneven drive, I sling my bag over my shoulder and take a moment to soak in the very old Victorian style home.

This house has been in our family for generations. The large, aged columns on either side of the porch hold up a beautiful balcony on the second floor and the grounds surrounding the house seemed to stare back at me as I glance around. Drinking in all it has to offer.

“Well dear, are you planning on coming into the house any time soon?” A voice from the past calls to me as I am drawn out of my daze.

I quickly avert my eyes to a woman that I have known all of my life, the only person that has ever stood behind me when I decided that I wanted to start writing novels, more so vampire novels, as my profession instead of just a hobby.

I used to come here every summer as a child and stay with my aunt. She would tell me mysterious and adventurous stories about the people and vampires that she wrote about so fondly, and explained them in such detail one could not help but think that they were real.

When I started to take a real interest in vampires, my mother stopped allowing me to visit. She told me that I was being unethical and I would end up like my ‘crazy aunt Anne’. I believe that is why my mother practically disowned me when I finally told her that I had decided that this was to be my profession.

That is why I am here now. Aunt Anne had heard what was going on and called asking me if I would like to move in with her where I wouldn’t have to write in secret anymore, never the less, I quickly agreed.

I snapped back to reality and smiled brightly as I made my way up to the steps of the porch where she stood smiling wide.

“I missed you so much! You are not the little girl that I remember… look how much you have grown.” She stated, pulling me into a tight, firm hug.

I immediately hugged back and took in the moment. This is where I belonged. I was finally home, somewhere where I would not get criticized for speaking my mind or just being myself.

“I missed you too Auntie! It feels good to finally get to see you again.”

We pulled apart and just stared at one another for a few seconds before she spoke again.

“Well, why don’t we get your things and I can show you to your new room where you can get settled and I will finish up on dinner.”

I nodded and we both headed down the steps and to the trunk of my car. I grabbed the larger of the two cases and she tugged the other one out. After I had shut the trunk securely, we made our way into the house.

I stood in amazement for a moment seeing that everything was the way that I remembered it being, the large dark oak furniture and the dim lighting of the foyer. Pictures of ancient relatives hung in black frames on decorated the blood red walls.

We ascended the stairs slowly and turned down a hallway to the left. At the end she opened a door on the right and we both entered.

The room held a dark vibe, beautiful in all aspects. The bed had a black satin comforter, with red stitching and a black canopy, shielding it from plan site, in the corner of the room beside a door that led into the bathroom, sat a large, old wardrobe. On the other side of the room from the wardrobe, there was a dark oak colored writing desk with an antique lamp set on the surface.

“Is this room to your liking Jen?” Auntie asked as she placed the bag that she had carried, on the floor before turning to me.

“Oh, yes Auntie. It is perfect. Thank you for allowing me to come and live with you.”

“Don’t thank me dear, it is a pleasure to have you here, a girl after my own heart. Well I am going to head down and put the finishing touches on dinner so when ever you want you may come down.”

I nodded and she turned and left the way we came.

I placed my bags down by the other and continued further into the room. Walking through the doorway that led to the bathroom, I gently glided my fingers over the cool marble of the countertop, dried red roses sat in a vase along with an assortment of black and red candles decorating the smooth surface. It was absolutely beautiful.

As I finished putting away all of the items that I had brought with me, something outside the very large bay window, caught my eye. The sun had just set, with no rays to be seen, there was a boy it seemed, walking down the long drive toward the main street, the light from the porch casting a shadow in front of him, not allowing me to see anymore of him. Confusion overtook my features as I decided that I would have to ask Auntie about this mystery man later.

I ascended the stairs and found my way to the kitchen with relative ease and quietly slid my way onto one of the seats at the dining room table.

“Hey Auntie, I noticed a boy walking down the drive earlier? Do you know who he is?” I asked politely, as not to make a big deal about it.

“Oh yes, that was Benjamin. He comes every night, so nothing to worry about, now how about some dinner?”

I smiled and nodded as she set the huge plate of gumbo in front of me and then another in front of her seat before sitting down next to me. I lifted the spoon to my mouth and the Louisiana feeling that I had missed over time came flooding back to me.

I am going to love it here.

Many A Different

2007-04-02T00:24:41Z

Hey! Well this is my new story. Just wanted to post it and see where it goes.... soooo.... Well comment and I will
love you forever!!

Sarah

Chapter 1 – Away from here I’ll be

“Benjamin, must you be so sour?” My mother questioned as she directed a young servant girl to tend to tightening the back of her corset.

“Mother I have told you before I do not like staying here all day. There is an entire city, our city, beyond the castle walls and I would love to spend my day exploring it.” I state firmly.

As a child I passed my time, sitting in my chambers and watched the city below, beyond the far wall of the castle. I would watch the other children run through the crowed streets, older women shopping and chatting with one another, men leading mules and horses with wagons, and shop owners shouting their sales.

Father used to say that the city was no place for a prince, that I had everything that I could ever want here in the castle, and it is true; there was never a time where I was ever denied anything, except to go to the city.

“Benjamin… I do not know what else to tell you besides no…”

“Mother please, father does not have to know of my outing. I will not disturb anyone. Please…” I begged.

“… Alright, I will allow you to go if you return before dark and your father is to never know…”

I smiled big and engulfed my mother into a warm hug. I pulled slightly away and gently kissed her cheek.

“Father will not know about my outing, this I promise. Thank you!” I say gratefully and kiss her cheek again before completely letting her out of my grasp.

I excitedly walked along the outside wall before reaching the oak wood door, guarded by two of the castle guards.

“May I please pass?” I asked nicely while trying to catch a glimpse at the city through the slits cut in the large wooden door.

“Why yes you may, Prince Benjamin.” The guard on the left stated before bowing slightly toward me as he reached for the iron handle.

I stride through and breathe deep. I have waited for this moment for as long as I can remember. Smiling brightly I step further way from the safety of the castle and farther into the city of the unknown.

Walking down the street, I take in everything that is occurring around me, just as I had imagined it, people pulling their children close as not to lose them, loud shouting from the shop owners, and beautiful items to buy.

Squeezing my way along through the many people I stop to look at a very lovely hand sewn blanket. I quickly keep moving, to try and see as much as possible before night fall when I have to return to the castle.

After hours of exploring I decide that I should start making my way back towards the entrance to the castle walls.

The streets are emptier now and the shops are closing for the night. Thankfully no one recognized me throughout the day as I enjoyed my outing.

Just as the door came into view, something on the side of a small building caught my attention. Tilting my head slightly I glanced at the door before deciding to go and investigate what interested me.

Walking over toward the building I quietly inched to where what seemed to be a person, lay. Reaching down I gently tapped the shoulder of this supposed person as a head shot up and locked eyes with me.

It was a young girl around my age or a little younger. She was crying as her long dark hair stuck to the wet splotches on her cheeks.

“Are you alright?” I asked quietly so not to disturb the seemingly silence that had settled in the air.

“Oh my, Prince Benjamin Please forgive me. I did not aware who you were.” She stated quickly before bending out of her hunched form and kneeling in front of me.

“No, Please do not. I am just the same as you. Please.” I say leaning down slightly and offering my hand.

She kept strong eye contact as she took my hand and I pulled her to her feet.

“Thank you,” She uttered.

“I have to be going. But I would love to see you again.” I state as I release her hand.

She nodded slightly and smiled lightly.

“I will try to meet you here tomorrow? Around 12?”

She again nods and I turn to walk away. Glancing back I nod to her and make my way towards the door and nock.

The guards open the door and I dash through knowing that if I don’t hurry then I will not make it in time. I climb the steps of the castle and run in. Amelia is setting the dining room table as I walk through the hall. I had made it in time.

I catch a glimpse of my mother coming out of the main room followed by my father. I smile brightly and nod before slowing my step as I reach the stairs to the second floor to get changed for supper.

Review review review review review review review!!!!!

thovampire @ 2006-07-13T00:12:00

2006-07-13T05:21:27Z

ok so tomorrow, friday i am going to deidre's and we are
going to watch movies and stuff.
i have to bring a shoe strecher and something else so....

thovampire @ 2006-07-12T19:07:00

2006-07-13T00:37:06Z

Chapter: 1

Title: Drowning Mona

Author: thovampire

Rating: PG 13

Disclaimer: This did not happen! I dont own Benji or Joel!

Summery: What will happen when Benji finds the love of his life, but there are many complications. Things a lot of people would have a hard time excepting? Things that most people would dismiss as a joke?

Dedication: ok this is for all of my reviewers on Rose Red. I’m terribly sorry about what happened. amore, carly_lovesme, sum41willcome4u, luckyphat1, rockslash4ever, mest_up_kid616, dancinginastorm, greenpants59, wat_is_left, gc_riotgirl_, hazenst__, dgeneration_x, lil_leland09, hampsterincouch, veggielover, love_to_blame

Note: This story can out of my own head. My insperation is the movies Aquamerine and The Little Mermaid

Chapter One

“What ever Adam I am through! I have had it with you cheating ass! That is it, there is no more second chances and your fuckin ‘but baby I love you’! I am though!” I state firmly as I turn on my heal heading for the front door, as I pass the hall table, filled with pictures and a vase of flowers, I swipe my arm across and everything once on the table goes crashing to the oak wood floor of our, no my, beach house.

With one hand on the door knob, I swing around and stare at his form, just standing in the living room.

“I want all of your shit out of my house by the end of the night. Do you understand me?” I questioned, my voice so frighteningly low that I surprised myself. He quickly nodded but still not moving a bit. “Good”

Slamming the door behind me once I stepped out, I felt a wave of satisfaction wash over me. I had finally done what I had told myself that I should have done a year ago.

I trotted down the stairs and my way around the back of the house. Letting myself out of the gated yard, I instantly felt the little granules of sand tickle the bottom of my bare feet. I must have forgotten, in my rampage, to grab a pair of shoes. But I found it alright; I haven’t walked bare foot on the beach in what seemed like forever.

For the first time in a long while I felt alone. Truly alone. I knew that there was not going to be anyone at the house by the time that I returned, and to tell the truth it scares me. But I guess that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger and this is most defiantly going to be something that I benefit from.

Not noticing how far I had walked already, being caught up in thought, I looked back toward the house to see that it was just a distant speck from my point of view. Sighing, I edged closer to the blue water and plopped myself down. Hugging my knees to my chest, closed my eyes and let my mind carry me away to a dream like state, into a world of my own.

I pictured sitting on the back deck of my home here on the beach, watching over the white railing at two beautiful children playing in the back yard. As I continue to watch I feel a presence come from behind me. They in circle around me in a comforting way. But when I look up, it is a blur of a figure. I cannot make out any of the features but it looks to be someone taller then myself seeing how he is slumped over. But one thing that I can make out is the necklace he is wearing. It is sliver metal with what look to be a mermaid. Then just as fast as I slipped into this day dream I am drawn out of it by the wet feeling on my feet.

Glancing down I smile. The tide had come in and was getting my feet wet. I hadn’t done this in so long that I almost forgot the feel of digging my feet into the sopping wet sand and the cool mist coming off of the waves that would dampen your face leaving you refreshed.

It’s the very reason that I moved here. The ocean hold many mysteries and adventures that adventurer would want to take. It is seemingly vast and eerie. But if you put all of that aside you notice how beautiful it is. Its natural beauty, untainted by human hands and most of all it has never really been explored. It holds a calming presence and not to mention the amazing sunsets. When the sun slowly starts to slide down into what appears to be the water, but inside you know it is now on the other side of the world.

I once talked Adam into watching it with me and totally killed the mood and the beauty by saying something along the lines of ‘ wow it looks like a lays potato chip dipping into a giant bowl of salsa.’ Yep that was Adam for you.

But now thinking about it, that is one of the reasons I had stopped liking him all those months ago. He could not appreciate anything that didn’t cost loads of money. He could never see past the material objects such as roses, expensive cars, expensive clothes, but when it came to something so beautiful such as the ocean, it was free. It didn’t cost money to sit and be amazed. And the feeling that you had when you left would last you a life time. That is why it is what I do. I’m a marine biologist.

But he could never understand why I had picked that job. He was always saying ‘you could do so much better.’ ‘ you could be making more money if you were doing so and so.’ He didn’t understand. It wasn’t about the money; it was about what made me happy. What I wanted to do.

I remember the first time that my mother took me to the downtown aquarium. I was so thrilled. I remember while I was there I got to pet a sting ray. And from there on, that is what I wanted to do. I wanted to do this for a living. I didn’t care if I made lots of money. I didn’t care what other people would think. All I cared about was getting to feed and pet ocean life as a job.

And that is exactly what I did. I majored in aquatics and as of right now I am head of a well structured marine class. My job is to take students wanting to major like I had and show them around. Show them the equipment and then we would explore. But the best part about my job is that during the summer, a couple of friends and myself, takes a yacht and spends almost 2 months out in the water. Just diving and exploring new territory.

That is what I do and I live for it.

thovampire @ 2006-07-11T19:47:00

2006-07-12T00:51:49Z

CHAPTER: Four

TITLE: Rose Red

AUTHOR: thovampire

RATING: PG 13

DISCLAIMER: Don’t own Benji or Joel. But I do own Tony Lovato he lives in my closet and I throw pudding cups at him every once in a while. Lol. J/K

SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.

DEDICATION: luckyphat1, amore, wat_is_left, carly_lovesme, rockslash4ever, sum41willcome4u, gc_riotgirl_

NOTES: Ok this is the fourth chapter in this story and so far so good…. And the reviews are great. I don’t know what I would do without them. Most likely I would stop writing...

Chapter Four

(Recap)

“Wait…please.” Came a rushed voice no louder then a whisper.

Jumping, I turn around and low and behold was what seemed to be the figure of the boy from the pictures. My breaths coming in short gasps, I glance back and forth quickly between the photo and the figure.

“What do you want?” I ask shakily. As he steps forward, traveling a short distance with each movement.

“Please don’t put the photo back…. I haven’t seen it in years.” The soft voice stated. “Don’t be afraid of me… I’m not going to hurt you… its just that I’m excited. You are the first person I have talked to since that night…………….”

“Wha…what the hell do you want?” I asked. My voice failing to keep its unbothered tone, as it cracked.

The figure continued to advance toward me. When he was a comfortable distance he sat himself down on the floor staring at the picture.

“Why are you here? Are you-“

“Dead? Yes, in a sense. Come to think of it I have been this way for 58 years now….” He trailed off slightly laughing.

“We..well why are you here?” I asked once again, taking the pause to look him over. He wore plain black pants and a black t- shirt.

“I don’t really know… the rest of my family as gone on into the after life but I for some reason have stayed here.”

I nodded slightly still being very cautious around this ‘dead’ stranger. After a short while I decided that he was relatively safe. Seeing as how he was a ghost he could do no harm. I mean if he was going to pull something then he would have done it already.

“Well um…..” I started, not sure how to say that I was ready to leave the dust and cobweb filled attic and maybe go down to the kitchen. He gave me his full attention, waiting for what ever I had to say.

“Do you… you wanna… maybe go down stairs, you know to talk more?” I stuttered out. He smiled wide and nodded proceeded to stand up. I followed suit after closing the trunk and placing the picture on the lid.

We made our way over to the attic door and I descended first. Not thinking. When I turned around he was already standing there, giving me the shock of my life.

“Ahh, you scared me. Ha, don’t do that.” I said while laughing nervously. After closing up the door I walked into the kitchen and looked in the refrigerator. Pulling myself out a cola, I turned to ask.

“Hey, do you want something to dri….. never mind.” I corrected myself blushing slightly pink I took a seat at the table and opened my cola, as he sat on the floor. Quickly realizing that he couldn’t move the chair to sit in I kicked it out with my foot. At the action he looked thankful.

“So what happened to you? How old are you? How long have you been here? Please, if you don’t mind tell me more about yourself…”

“Well I’m very sorry that I didn’t give you my name. It’s Benjamin Levi Combs. I am, or was, 18 years old. Um… I have been here ever since the night that I lost my life. What happened to me was…… well my father was a very successful man. Very well liked and everything. He was an accountant. He had found out that one of his clients and his wife were going to try and steal money threw some big account. My father being a very honest man went to the police. Well when the client found out, he came to our home and just started….. started shooting. It was horrible I remember, Sarah my younger sister, her screams, I remember Josh, my older brother trying to drag me away from my sister, who I had been holding. Her blood had soaked threw my shirt and pants. I remember running and that man chasing after us yelling and telling us we deserved it… then everything just went black and when I woke up I was here. So that is my story what is yours?” He explained.

I had never imagined something like that. I wonder why he didn’t go with his family. It’s funny that now after knowing a bit about him I’m not so uptight. It is almost like there was nothing wrong with this. That it was perfectly normal that someone dead is living in my home and that I talk to him. I mean I find nothing wrong with it but it is a little odd that this happened.

“Well sorry for not introducing MYself. I’m Joel Ruben Madden. I am 18 years old. And I recently been disowned by my parents and I am now living here. Um I’m sure that you have seen Billy. The other guy that has been around, he is one of my only friends. I went to school with him last year; he is two years younger then me. So that is about it.” I stated finishing my cola. He nodded in an understanding matter and sighed.

“Um I have a question but it will most likely sound really dumb. How can I see you, and hear you? I thought that ghosts were eerie and only made trouble.”

“Well if I try hard enough I can make myself visible. I have been practicing so I can stay this way for longer. Ok since I answered your question you have to answer one of mine. What do I look like?” He questioned after me.

“You look like an 18 year old. You have on a plain black shirt and black pants and you’re a little shorter then me.” I replied hoping that I didn’t sound too much like an idiot.

“Thank you Joel, you know for talking to me and not being scared away like the rest of them. I miss having someone to talk to. You have no idea how lonely eternity is until you realize that you are going to spend it alone.” Wow that was deep.

“Well, I’m sorry to say Benji, is it ok if I call you Benji, I’m going to call you Benji that I am really worn out. Today was a long day so I am going to hit the sack.” I say as I get up and throw my can in the garbage.

Smiling lightly, I jerk my head in the direction of my room before shutting off the lights in the kitchen. I walk back down the hall and into my bed room. I strip and climb into bed. I notice Benji sitting on the chase lounge that Billy’s parents gave to me.

“I didn’t know that you kept them…” he commented, nodding in the direction of the roses that were still occupying a place on my bed side table.

“Ya, I have a hard time throwing things away.” I say situating myself on the pillow. After we exchanged ‘nights’ I started to drift off into a light slumber.

“I think that you are beautiful too…..” I could have heard him whisper, as I faded into sleep.

NOTE: Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers! You guys dont know how much it helps...

thovampire @ 2006-07-11T15:49:00

2006-07-11T20:51:17Z

NOTE TO SELF:
update Rose Red chapter 4. check email to see if i got mail from veggielover. then check reviews once more before updating story so i can fill in the dedications.

REVIEWS ARE WHAT KEEP THIS WRITER WRITING!!

sarah

thovampire @ 2006-07-11T00:28:00

2006-07-11T05:30:35Z

hey to myself... its not like anyone else reads this so these are notes to myself... ok so i have to find out how to light up the names on my dedications list without looking stupid, AND find out how to post my stories without haveing both information thingys in with it. yes confusing i know but it makes sense to me.

thovampire @ 2006-07-11T00:19:00

2006-07-11T05:24:04Z

CHAPTER: Three
TITLE: Rose Red
AUTHOR: thovampire
RATING: PG 13
DISCLAIMER: Don’t own Benji or Joel. This is fake.
SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.
DEDICATION:
NOTES: This is the third chapter. So far this story is well reviewed. I seriously didn’t expect that much so…Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers!

CHAPTER: Three
TITLE: Rose Red
AUTHOR: thovampire
RATING: PG 13
DISCLAIMER: Don’t own Benji or Joel. This is fake.
SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.
DEDICATION:
NOTES: This is the third chapter. So far this story is well reviewed. I seriously didn’t expect that much so…Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers!

Chapter three

Tossing one last time I decided that I am up for the day. I sit up I stretch and head for the bathroom just like any other morning. After doing my business I grab the discarded coffee cup for the morning before and start my way to the kitchen.

As I pass threw the living room I notice that Billy is no longer on the couch but the pillow and blankets are nicely stacked and there is a piece of notebook paper lying on the coffee table.

Making my way around the sofa, I sit down and pick up the paper.

Joel,
Sorry I had to leave. But my mom called and said that I needed to get home. She said something about shopping. Well wish me luck with that! Talk to you later!

Billy

I nodded to myself and climbed back to my feet. Today was a lay around day. My job had heard what had happened with my parents and gave me 2 weeks off with pay.

Walking into the kitchen I notice that there on the small table, is in fact another red rose.

Tilting my head in a questioning manor, I smoothly walk over to the table and pick up the rose. Sighing deeply, I set it on the windowsill. This is really confusing. What am I supposed to do with these? Why would someone want me to have them?

I ruled out that someone had been coming in and leaving them because last night Billy would have heard them.

Just as I was coming out of my thoughts a sharp sound pierced the quiet atmosphere. Jumping, I looked around me frantically trying to figure out what had made the horrible sound.

I swiftly walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Finding nothing out of its resting place I made my way back down the hall and into the guest bathroom, knowing that it could not have come from in hear because there was nothing to break in here. I had yet to get to decorate that room.

Continuing my journey I found myself back in my bed room. After searching for anything that could have broken I also ruled out my room. The only other place was the attic. But what could be up there that could have fallen? I had put nothing up there…

I slowly made my way back into the hallway and glanced up at the attic door. Breathing deep I reached up and pulled the white rope down. As I did the door creaked and groaned, moving for the first time in what sounded like years.

Unfolding the latter, I calmly made my way up the rickety stairs and cautiously peered into the gloomy attic.

As I continued to hoist myself up I noticed that it was very cold up here, I had gotten goose bumps.

I spotted a light string hanging in the middle of the room. I tactfully found my way around the boxes and chests that crowded the room and pulled lightly on the string.

Immediately a clear light filled the room, I took this as an opportunity to glance around. There was nothing interesting. Just the usual junk you find in attics. Old nothings and keepsakes that have lost there meaning or have been forgotten, intentional or not.

“Well since the owners of this stuff discarded it, I guess they wouldn’t care if I took a look around…” I spoke quietly to myself.

Sitting myself down next to a random trunk, I lifted the latch and pushed the lid open. A puff of dust flew out, making me wave my hand in a fanning motion. Once the air had settled I picked up the first object.

It was a picture frame of a family. There was what looked to be a father and a mother, and then standing in front of them was three smaller figures, two boys and a small girl.

Gently placing the worn frame on the wood floor below me I continued my looking. Next was a doll. It looked as if it had seen its last good day 50 years ago. Momentary looking back at the photograph, I found that the girl had been holding the same doll that I have in my hands. It’s odd that you look at a picture, but overlook so many small unimportant details.

Setting the doll down next to the picture, I reached back in this time pulling out another picture, this one not in a frame but also looked to be very worn and turning a yellowish brown color.

It was a picture of one of the boys, seemed to be the younger of the two, and the small girl, the boy maybe 18 and the girl not a day older the 4. They both looked to be very content and happy.

As I continued to observe the picture, somewhere from father back in the room, came the light squeak of the floor boards.

After all that had happened in the house since I had moved in, this had done it for me. I admit. I’m terrified. I know that no one is up here. I know that it wasn’t me. I know that it was something else.

Just wanting nothing more then to climb down the stairs and close the attic door, I frantically started to place everything back into the trunk. Glancing back toward the now completely gone sound every few seconds, first was the family photo, then the doll then………

“Wait…please.” Came a rushed voice no louder then a whisper.

Jumping, I turn around and low and behold was what seemed to be the figure of the boy from the pictures. My breaths coming in short gasps, I glance back and forth quickly between the photo and the figure.

“What do you want?” I ask shakily. As he steps forward, traveling a short distance with each movement.

“Please don’t put the photo back…. I haven’t seen it in years.” The soft voice stated. “Don’t be afraid of me… I’m not going to hurt you… its just that I’m excited. You are the first person I have talked to since that night…………….”

thovampire @ 2006-07-09T08:12:00

2006-07-10T01:13:07Z

TITLE: Rose Red
AUTHOR: thovampire
RATING: PG 13
DISCLAIMER: this story is fake F-A-K-E.
SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.
DEDICATION: poisonousdreams, carly_lovesme, sum41willcome4u, luckyphat1, rockslash4ever, mest_up_kid616
NOTE: Thank you to all of my readers and the reviews were the best. I really didn’t think that there would be that many on just the first chapter! Thank you!

CHAPTER: two
TITLE: Rose Red
AUTHOR: thovampire
RATING: PG 13
DISCLAIMER: this story is fake F-A-K-E.
SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.
DEDICATION: poisonousdreams, carly_lovesme, sum41willcome4u, luckyphat1, rockslash4ever, mest_up_kid616
NOTE: Thank you to all of my readers and the reviews were the best. I really didn’t think that there would be that many on just the first chapter! Thank you!

Chapter Two

The sun shining threw the blinds on the window behind my bed wakes me. Slowly opening my eyes, sleep still consuming my head, I stumble out of my bed and stand up. Stretching out my cramped limbs, I make my way over to the bathroom and proceed to use the toilet.

Walking out I feel ready to face my first day without my parents. I walk out of the bathroom and back into my room passing threw to the hallway and over to the kitchen.

Opening the shades on the window above the sink, I smile seeing a small but beautiful garden that the realtor and I must have over looked the other day.

Noting to myself that I would have to check it out later, I moved over to the coffee pot and proceeded to fill it with water before placing the grounds into the filter.

Flipping it on I walk into the living room and spot the box that I am looking for, the bathroom packing.

Unfolding the lid, I reach in and pull out my travel bag and a towel. Setting all of that down next to the box I close the lid back up, pick up my things and journey to the kitchen.

Placing my towel and bag next to the coffee pot, I reach up into the cabinet above the counter and snag a coffee cup. Filling it with the darkened liquid I gather back up my things and head to my bathroom.

Setting my coffee cup down on the shelf above the sink but below the cupboard and placed my bag under the sink.

With my towel sitting on the corner of the counter, I began to undress. Once totally bare I reach over and turn the water faucet on.

After the water had warmed up, I climb in and pull the curtain shut and lift the tab that turns on the shower.

Letting the refreshingly hot water cascade over me, I let it sooth me. Letting it wash away all of the fears and emotions that I had come to think about over the last few days.

Maybe after some time, they will see that what they did was wrong. They should have embraced me in my time of need instead of pushing me away when I needed them to understand the most.

Thoughts running threw my mind, what’s going to happen if I loose my job? Will I be able to make it on my own?

I do know one thing for sure though; I will be attending that college. It is the only way for me to better myself and I will be damned before I let my parents ruin that for me to.

One day they will realize what they did was wrong. They will realize what pain that they have put me threw. It hurt knowing that Billy’s mother was more understanding then my own.

Sighing I shut off the water and pull back the curtain. Blindly reaching for my towel, I eventually grab a hold of it and bring it to my face.

The room is filled with steam from the hot temperature and there are beads of sweat rolling down the mirror.

Drying off my body, I step out of the tube and onto the cold tile. Taking the few steps to the sink I notice that there is something lying in the basin. Reaching down cautiously, I gently pick up a single red rose.

Where did this come from? There is no one else in the house but me? The door has been closed; I would have heard it open if someone had come in.

A little alarmed, I quickly open the bathroom door and hurry into my room. What is going on? Hmm.

Remembering that I have to go into town today I realize that am wasting time standing around here letting my thoughts wander.

After getting dressed I mentally went threw a check list in my head. I had to run to the store then Billy was going to come over and spend the night and help me unpack some more.

Remembering the rose I turned back to my bed where it lay. Starring at it for a moment I sighed walking back to the bed and carefully picking it up. Bringing it to my nose, the wonderful smell invaded my senses.

Smiling, I placed it on my bedside table and proceeded to leave the room. Swiftly grabbing my wallet I walked out the front door. Locking the door behind me I climbed into my car and backed out of the drive way and continued down the street.

I spent the remainder of the day shopping for things for the house. I purchased a TV stand, some dishes, silverware, and of course some food. By the time I was finished it was time to get Billy.

Driving over to my old high school, I waited patiently in the carpool line until the bell for the day rang loudly. Kids poured out like it was an ant pile. They were chatting and pushing each other, laughing and horsing around.

Before I knew it Billy had gotten in the car and was waving his hand in front of my face in attempts to bring me out of my thoughts. Shaking my head slightly as to physically rid them from my mind I smiled gingerly at Billy, slightly embarrassed from my loss of concentration.

As I made the trip back to my home, Billy and I talked about many things. How school had gone, what I had gotten from the store, what we were going to have for dinner, and other random topics.

I loved how open I could be with Billy, knowing that he would never judge me. He is the kind of person how searches deeper then just the surface. That is why so many people take advantage of him. Not saying that he cannot stand up for himself, just that he is willing to give people second chances and maybe even thirds without thinking twice about it.

After about 20 minutes or so of driving we were pulling into my drive way. Climbing out of the car Billy and I started carrying the things that I had bought into the house after I had opened the door.

By 11 we had finished unpacking all of my belongings and everything that I had just bought.

“Damn there was more then I thought in those boxes…” Billy stated flopping down onto the sofa.

“Ya I forgot about all of the things that I had packed, so what do we want to eat for dinner?” I questioned walking into the kitchen, Billy trailing not far behind.

“Well I saw when we were bringing in the bags that you had got pizza! You want to eat that?” Billy spoke up while seating himself at the small table.

“Sure we could do that, besides pizza sounds good!”

I pulled out the pizza from the freezer and undid the wrapping. Preheating the oven to the correct time I placed it on a pizza pan and popped it in. Just as I had done that there was a loud creak from the ceiling.

“Um, Joel what was that?” Billy asked seeming a bit freaked out.

“Well the lady I bought the house from said that it was very old… so it is probably just the house settling” I quietly replied. Thinking back to what the women had told me I thought of the rose, the strange sounds and the people that had all moved within the month that they had lived here.

Shaking my head, that’s ridiculous. It was most likely all in these peoples head. Ya maybe they had gotten freaked out cause of the stories that they had been told. Maybe that was it…

PING

The timer interrupted the silence that had fallen over us, startling us both. Breathing deeply I stood from my crouched leaning form on the counter to get the pizza out.

Placing it on two plates we made our way into the living room to watch some TV while we chowed down.

“Thanks for helping me Billy; I know that it was a lot of work.”

“No problem Joel, don’t worry about it. You know that I would help you with anything if you asked.”

I nodded and we finished eating.

“Well I am going to head to bed you should to.” I stated grabbing both of our plates and placing them in the sink.

“I put some blankets and a pillow in the sofa in the living room for you.” I reminded him as he nodded heading that way.

“Alright thanks Joel. Night!”

He called out. I answered the same back just as I turned into my room. Stripping down to just some boxers and an under shirt I sat down on my bed. Just as I was about to lay completely down an object caught my view.

There lying on my pillow was proof that I could not deny. There was another rose. Quickly glancing over at my bedside table was the other one.

Gingerly picking the new rose up, I set it gently down next to the other before pulling the chain on my lamp, sending the room into darkness.

Thoughts once again filled my head. Where were these roses coming from? I am positive that I locked the door to the house before I left this morning. There was nothing there on the pillow when I shut the light off this morning. Could it be true? What everyone has been telling me? About something else being in this house?

Maybe I’m not as alone as I thought…

NOTE: Thank you to all that reviewed! This is the second chapter. I promise that mentions of Benji will be in the next one. Besides I’m getting all sad cause I don’t get to type his name…

thovampire @ 2006-07-09T00:48:00

2006-07-09T05:48:41Z

TITLE: Rose Red
AUTHOR: thovampire
RATING: PG 13
PAIRING: Benji/Joel
DISCLAIMER: None of this is true it is as fake as Pamela Anderson’s boobies!
SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.
DEDICATION: To Dee for always being there and talking about weird stuff and giving me ideas.
NOTES: This is my first attempt at writing in at least 2 years so read and review I love constructive criticism.
CHAPTER: One
TITLE: Rose Red
AUTHOR: thovampire
RATING: PG 13
PAIRING: Benji/Joel
DISCLAIMER: None of this is true it is as fake as Pamela Anderson’s boobies!
SUMMERY: When Joel is pushed away by his parents he has to learn to live by himself. But when strange things start to happen in his new home he finds himself not as alone as he once thought.
DEDICATION: To Dee for always being there and talking about weird stuff and giving me ideas.
NOTES: This is my first attempt at writing in at least 2 years so read and review I love constructive criticism.

Chapter one

“I will take it.”

“Are you sure, Mr. Madden? There are other houses. People are always saying this house is damned, considering all the previous owners all left within a month of moving in. They reported hearing strange sounds coming from the attic…” Mrs. Albertson spoke up quickly.

“Well it is all that I can afford as of now so this will have to do.” I replied.

It’s a beautiful house it just needed some fixing up. It was one story with a wine cellar and an attic. It didn’t bother me what the other folks had said about the sounds or anything. It was a home and that was all I needed.

“Alright Mr. Madden then we will just go back and get all the paper work settled.”

“Billy, thank you so much for helping me move everything. I don’t think that could have done it by myself.”

“Ya, no problem Joel, you know that I would help you with anything. It is horrible that your parents did this to you. I thought that they were very understanding people.”

“Well I thought so to but… I will be fine as long as I have a roof over my head and you as a best friend.” I answered as I flopped down on the old sofa that we had found at a good will.

Closing my eyes I breathed deeply. For the first time in about a month I think that I was at peace. Everything lately has been stressful. I had decided to tell my parents about being gay and they didn’t take it the way that I had hoped.

“Well at least you don’t have to worry about money, you have a good paying job and you finished high school.” Billy pointed out optimistically.

I nodded still keeping my eyes closed. I seriously don’t know what I would do without Billy. He had been there threw thick and thin. He was the first person that I called when my parents turned there back on me. And I know that he will be there if anything else happened.

“Well tonight is a school night and my mom wants me in before 10 so I’m going to get going.”

I sat up on the couch and opened my eyes looking up at Billy as he gathered his things from the table.

“Alright, do you want me to drive you?”

“No thanks Joel, so I will see you after school tomorrow? So we can finish unpacking some of this stuff?”

I nodded and stood up. Billy and I made our way over to the door when all of a sudden there was a creaking above us, quickly we both glanced up startled by the sound.

Looking back at each other, he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. Turning back to look at me, he waved before walking down the steps and across the grass.

Closing the door when Billy was out of sight, I returned to the sofa and sat down when something out of the corner caught my eye.

Reaching over into one of the boxes marked attic, I pulled out a dusty picture frame. It was a picture of me and my mother on my birthday a few years back.

Running my fingers over the frosted glass they left a trail threw the thick dust. It makes me remember back to a time when things were easy, when I had not a care in the world. Back to when I was blind enough to think that everything was sugar coated and my parents would always be there for me.

Things change. Right about now I would give almost anything to feel like that again, innocent untainted by the outside world,to feel wanted and sheltered, to be able to say ‘I love you mom’ without feeling guilty for breaking her heart.

But I cannot change who I am. No matter how much I might want to. The only person that I have to depend on now is myself. I have a job that pays well, I have finished high school and I already got an acceptance letter from a college not to far from the house.

Hopefully things would change.

Smiling at the memory, I softly set the picture up on the corner table before standing up once again and stretching.

Yawing, I paddled my way to the master bedroom at the end of the hall off of the kitchen. Walking inside I made my way to the bed and proceeded to pull off my shoes and socks.

Noticing the bathroom light on I turned it off before taking off my pants and climbing into my bed. Pulling the comforter over my shoulders I turned out the lamp on the bedside table and snuggled down into the sheets.

After just a few minutes I was out. Falling into a slumber filled with non-existent dreams.

NOTE: Ok that was the fist chapter. I know that it isn’t the best but I promise that it will get better. Well review and give me criticism! Thank you!

Feeling Bored So I Thought That I Would Fill You In...

2006-07-07T03:32:28Z

Ok... so this is what is going on... I havent written any stories since about april of 2005. So I am alittle out of the loop. Umm just to let all of my future readers know i am really hard on myself with my writing and reviews really help. I also dont like to write your everyday kind of fiction, most of my stories have insperation from weird places but you learn to love it...